*Disclaimer (The “Don’t Ring the Áras” Bit)
Our scheduled September CEO had to bow out at short notice, so in a fit of back-to-school mischief, the Yellow Harbour team decided to let a comedic caricature of President Michael D. Higgins step into the breach. In short: it’s just us having a laugh. Enjoy, and please — don’t send the press office after us.
What’s your idea of happiness and what makes you most uneasy?
Happiness is when Sabina agrees with me in public. Uneasy? When I hear the words “dynamic housing solutions” — usually code for “you’re living in a shipping container.”
What do you fear most?
That Ireland’s national sport has become launching reports instead of hurling. At least in hurling, someone scores occasionally.
Which person, past or present, do you most relate to and admire?
Gandalf. Short, hairy, always surrounded by chaos, but somehow still in charge.
What traits do you most loathe in yourself and others?
In myself: sometimes I pause for applause that isn’t coming.
In others: anyone who uses the phrase “let’s future-proof this”. You can’t even proof the past.
What’s your most embarrassing moment or regret?
I once waved at a statue because I thought it was clapping. In fairness, it was more responsive than most ministers.
What’s your most unappealing habit or indulgence?
Collecting tote bags. I’ve got so many I could rebrand as Michael D. IKEA.
What do you always carry and what vehicle do you drive?
A notebook. Not for poetry — just to remember where I left the notebook. As for the car: it gets me from A to B. Sometimes to C if I forget the turn.
Where and when have you been happiest?
Any time I’ve been proven right on live radio. Which, thankfully, is often.
What do you find depressing or overrated?
Depressing: PowerPoint slides that say “Vision 2030”. It’s 2025. The vision? Already clouded by cataracts.
Overrated: brunch. Eat breakfast or eat lunch. Pick a side.
How do you unwind or deal with solitude?
By arguing with myself. At least I know one of us will agree eventually.
What’s your fantasy or biggest journey?
To live in an Ireland where a “housing summit” actually produces a house.
What’s your favourite smell, word, book, and building?
Smell: A scone burning slightly but still edible.
Word: Expenses.
Book: Whichever one makes me sound clever when name-dropped.
Building: Leinster House, because it proves you can run a country on tea and passive aggression.
What keeps you awake at night?
The fear that someone, somewhere, is forming a subcommittee.
What’s your life motto or lesson learned?
Never trust a man in a shiny suit who says “the market will fix it.” The market couldn’t fix a toaster.
Favourite Joke:
Q: How many ministers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They form a working group, issue a report, and leave you sitting in the dark.
